Family Issues

The Importance Of Marriage In Establishing A Family

 

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In our recent generation, people think that marriage is a simple representation of formality in the relationship. They often see it as something that is a waste of time and money as well as effort. They judge and make assumptions as to whether it’s necessary or not. Some people devalue its worth and continue to ignore its benefits in building a family.

 

Foundation

When we talk about forming the foundation of a unit, marriage is essential. It pushes the couple to exert significant power in attaining a healthy and well-established relationship and view the holy healed happy marriage as their strength in facing the trials along the way. There’s mutual respect, devotion, appreciation, fear, motivation, love, and commitment. Marriage gives people a chance to experience happiness and fulfillment.

One significant advantage of marriage is its contribution to society when it comes to forming a family. Married couples tend to be more appreciative and responsible for the things that surround them. It helps them make effective decisions that can influence other people too. When it comes to relationship issues, married couples tend to be more aware of the consequences of their actions and try to avoid mistakes as much as possible. I’m not saying that marriage can represent a perfect relationship, but it somehow helps the couple find their purpose in life because it allows them to have enough reasons to stay together.

 

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Considerations

When people value the importance of marriage, they tend to evaluate the significance of building a family. It somehow pushes them to become a role model for their kids in the future. In that sense, it gives them a chance to prepare themselves for the inconsistencies of life.

When we talk about family, children are always part of the issue. The married couple tends to value the importance of giving their child all the necessary support they need to be able to attain a well-deserved balanced development. Marriage somehow gives them an idea of the things that should matter to them instead of trying to decide on their own. Aside from that, it supports children in achieving lasting mental and emotional improvement in all aspect of their lives.

As far as the relationship is the concern, married couples prove to have a stronger bond, and that’s because they know their priorities well enough to support their goals in life. They often consider the things around them and assess themselves as to whether or not they can contribute to other people, society, the environment, and themselves. Again, I’m not insisting that people with different opinions should tie the knot and stick with someone who doesn’t bring out the best in them. It still needs more understanding than that.

 

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Both men and women tend to see the importance of marriage from a different perspective. And when it comes to learning new things, they try to experience different approaches as well. If the union quite turns out to be an option, the couple should understand their roles and responsibilities in providing a quality contribution to the world and to the people around them.

 

How Divorce Affects A Family

A strong foundation of a family gives joy and peace to every member. It is an essential factor of life that helps in motivating people to work hard and appreciate life. But what if it talks about divorce? How can each of its members find the courage to stay positive even if the situation is out of hand? Well, one thing is for sure – divorce is something that can change every person’s life.

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What Divorce Can Bring In The Family

Even if you think divorce is beneficial in some ways, it doesn’t hide the fact that it can hurt a lot of people.  Honestly speaking, it gives a lot of emotional and mental trauma not only to the couples experiencing it but also to their children. It weakens the connection and creates a massive complication as to where the members should practically accept the situation and try to move on with their lives. Sometimes, they ignore the fact that the process of recovery could take months or even years.

 

The Assessment

The parent’s decision in trying to end their marriage is a complicated battle between what they want and what they should do. In some cases, some couples tend to disregard their children’s needs because they focus on addressing a toxic relationship. Perhaps it’s beneficial for the both of them. However, it doesn’t assure a long-lasting happiness due to the sacrifices and adjustments that they need to face in the long run.

It’s not that they don’t want to stick with the person they promised to love forever, but it’s about what gives the couple their peace of mind. When it comes to separation, of course, there’s a need for assessment as to why they should or should not stick with each other. However, couples who experience a lot of arguments and misunderstandings inside the family will only create much more intolerable inconsistencies. Therefore, the situation needs a concrete decision making.

 

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The Probable Effect

When it comes to children, different approaches are present. Some children might take it harshly due to its impact on their emotional and psychological state. It can cause trauma and affect their social life at some point. Sometimes, it gives the children fewer advantages for overall development because of its excruciating results. They often regard it as something that takes away their life and happiness which is not good in the sense of emotional stability and psychological improvement. However, there are those children that use the experience to maintain mental and emotional balance. They use the traumatic experience as a way to motivate themselves to a faster recovery. Sometimes, their experience from divorcing parents pushes them to positively stay away from the same situation and work hard on their future. The circumstance becomes the life lesson that keeps them away from intentionally creating a wrong decision.

 

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A family is the source of every person’s emotional, mental, and behavioral improvement. Married couples learn different kinds of things while in it such as sacrifices, motivations, adjustments, considerations, and unconditional love. As for children, they first develop their personality inside a family that supports their skills, social interaction, decision making, and happiness.  So it’s important that every couple should think about the consequences of divorce.

Inappropriate Outbursts: Calming Your Children’s Anger Issues

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Undoubtedly, as parents, you’ve uttered, “Been there, experienced that,” at least once in your parenting life, especially when it’s about how you’ve dealt with your children’s outbursts.

But did you know that there are appropriate ways of handling your kids’ flare-ups? Instead of getting easily enraged and then regretting saying something out of your uncontrolled emotion, you can do the following:

Not Fight Fire With Fire

The flames of anger will just double, and once it dies down, you’ll sulk and wonder if you’ve gone too far. Kids, especially toddlers, scream or yell whenever they feel emotionally distressed. For them, talking at a high pitch is the only way to get their message through. Therefore, staying calm amid a tantrum will provide perspective. Also, remaining still while your children are having an outburst will make them relax as well. Once they’ve found their chill, that’s the time to talk to them. After all, there’s no use talking some sense into your child if he or she is in the middle of a tirade.

Not Getting Physical

Out of frustration, stress, and exhaustion, parents sometimes lose their cool and result in getting physical with their children. As much as possible, be rational about a tensed situation involving your children because most of the time, they don’t mean what they say and are just trying to get some attention or affection. If your child has done wrong, hitting him or she will only fuel the child’s anger and might escalate the situation. Getting physical with a child can result in two things – fear or anger towards the parents.

Apologize If You’ve Made A Mistake

Parents are only humans who can cause severe trauma or hurt to their children. Therefore, if you got into a fight with your child, no matter whose mistake it was, learn to let your guard down and apologize. In cases where you weren’t able to find your cool and out of nowhere slapped or shoved your child due to his or her outburst, make sure that when the storm’s over, talk calmly to your child. Furthermore, making them realize that people make mistakes and finding a way to resolve or make amends will teach them the value of acceptance and forgiveness.

Define The Bad Behavior Amidst The Anger

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Children throw a fit for a reason. As parents, you have to find out the cause of their temper tantrum; know why they were angry in the first place. Once you’ve identified the mistake, call them out for it and give consequences. Emotions, whether negative or positive, are derived from a specific thought or yearning. Therefore, when your children start screaming because you’ve turned off the television, point out the reason why you did it and make them identify what they’ve done wrong. Remind them that you’ve previously agreed to a specific period for watching television and it should be followed. As a consequence of bending the rules, restrict TV privileges for a week. It’s easier to deal with children’s behavior if you know what they’re upset about.

Indulge in Self-Care

Parents who are overworked and over-stressed tend to become irrational at times and would always use the parent card against their children’s bad behavior as an easy way out. However, this does not yield positive results with how your children consider you as an effective educator, guidance counselor, and a parent.

While parents are overly concerned about their kids’ outbursts, they should also be mindful of themselves because as humans, parents also have limitations. Once those limitations have been stretched, patience and understanding grow thin, leading to parental flare-ups. For this reason, parents should also take a step back from parenting and just be human beings for a moment. Self-care is essential to regain perspective and strength in dealing with daily struggles, especially when handling frustrations with kids.

Children are expected to throw in uncontrolled rage and frustrations every once in a while. Though it may seem daunting to manage, it is possible with the proper conditioning of, not only the child but also the parents. Parenting is hard work. You always have to be well equipped physically, mentally, and emotionally to handle whatever issue that comes your way.

7 Habits To Improve Your Life

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So, you feel that life has you cornered you on all fronts. Your work, life, relationships, and physical health are at an all-time slump. You want to shake it off, but you don’t know where to start. Hope feels distant and out of reach.

One word of advice – do not worry about it since this “feeling” is familiar to everyone. People will always be due to their bad days, but the real test of character can rise above it. Everyone deserves to be the best version of themselves, including yourself. You’ll just have to give yourself a push and go forward, even if it is hard.

With that being said, read on below to help get you started on the seven habits you can perform to improve your life.

Prioritize Your Wants And Needs

We’re often distracted by the allure of instant gratification instead of our long-term goals. While it is healthy to have distractions at times so that you can refocus, having too many wants and needs in high frequency, can make you lose sight or side-track you from your goals. Differentiate fleeting happiness from enduring satisfaction, and you have to make conscious decisions as you build towards your goals. Do it in order of priority.

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No Excuses

If you do not feel like doing something, you will surely find a way to rationalize not doing it. Take responsibility for your commitments and see them through. Excuses lead to procrastination and further you from the goal that you want to achieve. Own your decisions and push yourself – it may be difficult if you’ve become used to making excuses, but each step can lead you to a better, more disciplined self. Just push on every single time, and you will make it.

Take Things In Stride

There will be times when you might be subject to adverse comments and criticisms that will poke at your self-esteem. Know, however, that these are usually unmerited to put you down and is more a reflection of the commenter than yourself. Learn to take things in stride and rise above the toxic comments. It will be difficult because we are sensitive, and comments of others may hold weight on us, but you have to let it go. Stay focused on your goal and your development. You don’t have to please everyone. Please yourself and your creator – that’s what you have to do.

Start Exercising

Exercise can release endorphins that will make you happy and relieve stress. It also lets you clear your mind, making it sharper to tackle obstacles you find worrisome before. Remember that physical wellness promotes mental wellness as well, and you will make better decisions in the long run.

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Be Fearless

Summon some courage and throw yourself into something you’ve always wanted to do. Putting in the work will instill you with the willpower to keep going. Filter out negativity from detractors as they will be prone to criticize negatively – usually, these kinds of detractors are those afraid to take risks themselves, contenting themselves in safe choices.

A moment’s success is often built atop a mountain of failures. Any successful person will not criticize you for failing, for getting out of the mindset of making safe choices.

Necessary Questions To Ask Before Getting Hitched

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Marriage is unpredictable; you don’t know the extent of pain and struggle until you’ve encountered the scenarios within the relationship. Which is why it is necessary to ask yourself and your future spouse specific questions that are going to be part of your marriage one way or another.

Whether it’s because of lack of interest, shyness, or desire to conserve romantic mystery, a lot of couples fail to ask each other difficult, important, sometimes uncomfortable questions that will help create and strengthen the marriage’s stable foundation. Dealing with issues before getting hitched is like unburdening and coming clean.

Besides, it can be quite tricky to keep those skeletons in the closet once you get married; eventually, those unrevealed secrets will come out and can severely injure a relationship.

The Right Questions

Below are some of the critical questions that you need to ask your soon-to-be spouse. Whether intimate or awkward, these questions will ignite an honest discussion among couples and hopefully find a resolution before exchanging vows.

  1. What Is Your Stance On Religion?

This is one of the most controversial, inconvenient questions that you can ask your partner. Religion is a sensitive topic most couples don’t touch on. However, it is important to note that this topic is part of a person’s life especially if you or your partner was brought up in a religious environment by religious parents. Are you going to celebrate holidays related to each other’s religion? If you get to have kids, are you going to impose your religious beliefs on them? If your partner is the religious type, do you have to participate in his or her religious activities?

  1. How Much Do You Like My Parents?

It doesn’t matter if you have an atrocious relationship with your partner’s parents, for as long as you and your partner are steady in being united, any form of animosity can be dealt with. However, if your partner is aloof in addressing parental issues, it can result in an unhealthy relationship. Furthermore, you have to consider the weaknesses and strengths of your parents to illuminate unforeseeable patterns of distancing or attachment within the relationship.

  1. How Are We Going To Fight?

Arguments and endless discussions about differences and issues inside or outside of marriage are healthy; yet, there are times wherein the other half becomes distant or does not want to talk about it. Shutting down important issues is never a healthy sign of proper communication, which is necessary for every relationship. Remember that the success of your bond is entirely dependent on how couples talk about and deal with their differences.

  1. Are We Going To Have Kids?

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Every family is different. Just because other couples have kids doesn’t mean that you or your partner would want one. Sometimes, it depends on the individuals involved in the relationship. If you don’t want to have kids, be honest about it and do not mislead your partner into thinking that you are into having children. Saying something just for the sake of not breaking your partner’s heart will lead to consequences the moment you get married. If the decision of having kids is mutual, the next question would be how many and how the responsibilities are shared.

Remember, asking questions upfront before marrying someone is safer and more beneficial to your relationship. Also, it reveals the real personality of your future spouse. Besides, asking these questions will save you a lot of headaches and heartaches if in case both of you realize how different you are.

 

10 Facts About True Love

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Love is pure. Love is kind as the old saying goes and true love is the greatest love of all. Well, sort of. Real love in books or movies can be magical, but the reality is a lot more nuanced than your favorite fairy tale. As anyone can attest, approaching love should also come with a level head, and the following facts are listed to help you know more about the love you seek.

True Love Is About Two People That Becomes One But Retaining Your Identity

Don’t seek to be someone’s other half or vice versa. You shouldn’t be completing each other. You need to be yourself. Retain your interests, hobbies, and friends to maintain your identity in the relationship intact. This will keep things interesting for you and your partner.

True Love Is Freely Shared And Given

Your partner shouldn’t be making demands for you to change in a relationship; likewise, you shouldn’t demand change from your lover or partner either. Love should also be about acceptance through the highs and lows because coming into a relationship should assume as much. Share yourself without expecting something in return. Give love freely and without conditions because that’s how you can be real.

True Love Is Liberating

Love is being able to be yourself to your partner freely. Whether you’re at your ugliest or messiest, true love sees beauty through all of it. It’s a step towards the full acceptance of each other and shows one another how intense your love is for your partner.

True Love Is A Two-Way Street

True love doesn’t keep score – love should be exchanged freely between two consenting partners. Do not use it as a bargaining chip in exchange for favors nor use it sparingly to reward good behavior. True love is not currency. It is a two-way street, though, which you have to get used to for the long haul.

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True Love Is Founded On Friendship

It’s an old cliché for best friends to fall in love. While not always true in real life, it helps to be good friends with your partner. The relationship is not just about being lovers. To help it grow and prosper, you two should also be friends. You have to enjoy each other’s company and laugh at each other’s jokes. With this, you can have it last for a lifetime.

True Love Endures In Its Commitment

Love can be fleeting in an immature relationship, but true love can outlast those seemingly trivial things that ended those past relationships. There is real commitment to see past the troubles and grow against the tides and the obstacles. Also, it’s sustenance in itself. You won’t be interested in anyone else because a relationship founded on true love is all you really need.

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Love Yourself First

Finally, you must be able to love yourself first before loving someone else. Know who you are – your temperaments, your hopes, and aspirations, your passion – so that you can identify someone compatible with you. You can only honestly give what you have on hand in the first place, so love yourself first before being able to share with someone who deserves it.

Dealing With An Anxiety Disorder Within The Family

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Anxiety Disorders can be particularly straining to family relationships. Most of the time, anxiety disorder symptoms can go by unnoticed aggravating the signs for the victims and affecting their relationships with family members, household routines, and even finances.

Dealing with anxiety disorders can be difficult as the recovery process is lengthy. Also, people who are eager to help, like a parent, sibling, or other close relatives, maybe misinformed on how to address or support someone suffering from the disorders. For example, when a person suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder would need some space due to impending anxiety or panic attack, people within the person with SAD would not leave the room because they are worried. This is aggravating the anxiety attack of that person who has it.

It would do well to understand what anxiety disorders can do to a loved one. It is also necessary to understand some things that can be done to help your mother, father, sibling, or relative in case he gets an anxiety trigger. This post seeks to do that with the following notes.

Just a quick run-through, here are the most common anxiety disorders – generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder (panic attacks), separation anxiety, agoraphobia, specific phobia, and selective mutism.

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Effects Of Anxiety Disorders

Anxiety Disorders has several psychological and psychosocial consequences that can be just as serious as physical ailments. It can destroy happy moments, family occasions, and other things, but you have to be understanding.

Anyway, a couple of known examples are:

  • Anxiety Disorders can disrupt regular family routines. Special consideration will need to be taken for those suffering from an anxiety disorder, often requiring other family members to fully carry responsibilities like household routines, paying bills, or taking care of children.
  • Anxiety Disorders can keep you from maintaining a career which hinders your way to earn. Those with anxiety disorders may have difficulty finding or keeping a job so that it may cause a financial burden on the family.
  • Anxiety Disorders can destroy your social life. Patients will be reluctant to participate in social activities, which can put a strain on family dynamics. Partners can also feel lonely if the patient becomes distant.
  • Anxiety Disorder will affect your emotional wellness. Anger, resentment, and guilt may spur from dealing with the effects of anxiety disorders. Children particularly may feel neglected or abandoned.

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How To Provide Support For Your Loved One

Recovery can be taxing, but family members can help the process by providing support, being more aware of symptoms, and creating a conducive environment for healing. The following are points to be considered:

  • Be more flexible and patient in adjusting plans and routines
  • Be encouraging and positively reinforce healthy behavior. Acknowledge small achievements without being patronizing.
  • Manage expectations during stressful times.
  • Promote treatment and good habits. Remind them to keep appointments and medication. Set realistic goals and don’t be too critical if these aren’t achieved.
  • Be understanding. Read on materials to understand the disorder better and be accepting of behaviors that may not be understandable at the time.

Recovering from anxiety disorders can be long and taxing to the individual and their families – however, it is treatable with enough support and encouragement. It may be overwhelming to deal with, but you can look forward to improvements in relationships, career, and general well-being at the end of the ordeal.

Through the Eyes of Innocence: The Damaging Impact of Witnessing Parental Discord

 

When it comes to arguments and conflicts, parents are not exempted. In fact, disagreements come so often from families that it’s no longer big news when you hear some kid wallow about his or her parents fighting.

 

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Responsible parenthood means that you are aware of the devastating consequences your hurtful words and actions can bring to your children. What seems to be a fruitful and enjoyable childhood becomes a nightmare, scarring and debilitating them physically, mentally, and emotionally. Therefore, it is always best to consider the massive, damaging impact of you and your partner arguing in front of your kids.

 

Before It’s Too Late

For the sake of your relationship and connection with your significant other and the sake of your kids’ well-being, keep your squabbles private. Because if you purposely dispute in front of your children for the sake of showing them who’s right and wrong, the following adverse results may happen:

 

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  1. Developing Insecurities, Guilt, And Shame

Children believe that home is where the heart is; however if animosity is ruining their haven of love and affection, kids will eventually become frightened, helpless, and anxious. Usually, kids would think that hostility within the house is their fault and would start feeling guilty. Development of insecurities, guilt, and shame does not go away quickly and affects your children as they turn to adults.

 

  1. Severed Self-Esteem

Feelings of guilt, shame, and insecurity may have this impression on your children that you don’t want them or they are unworthy of affection; this thought is damaging and creates a permanent imprint in your children’s personality. As the child grows, these feelings are then reflected in your kid’s professional and personal relationships.

 

According to a particular report, kids who regularly witness parents who are fighting or arguing find it challenging to process contradictions that are not positively addressed by their parents. Kids think that they must be the reason why their parents disagreed in the first place.

 

  1. Health And Academics Are Severely Affected

Instead of being focused on their health and academics, your children’s minds are more occupied in processing the shouting and struggling they saw the night before. When there is discord within the house, children’s performance at school is adversely affected and would require them to exert more effort in concentrating which leads them to stress and pressure. When the mind is overworked from balancing conflict and academics, the body becomes unstable to the point of having lower immunity from chronic physical or mental illnesses.

 

  1. Perception Of Love Is Tarnished

For children, a home is a refuge filled with tenderness, respect, and security. Therefore, the moment they witness their parents fighting countless of times, their concept of what a home should be is shattered, and their minds start to drift the opposite of their first impression. Trust issues begin to occur especially when dealing with other people. Children would think that since their sources of love and affection are passively hurting them, it becomes worse with other people. This event will then make them more suspicious and pessimistic about other people, intensely crippling their social and people skills.

 

  1. Behavioral And Mental Disorders

One of the primary concerns with parental discord is how it dramatically affects a child’s behavior and mental well-being. Children have weak coping mechanisms that when they witness or even hear their parents shouting at each other or propelling things at each other, they feel drained and inadequate. This leads to developmental issues such as having reckless behaviors like bullying or getting into school fights or being loud and rowdy. On the other hand, some children are withdrawn and become introverted that even minor social contact makes them feel uneasy.

 

Severe cases show that children who have experienced chronic disharmony within their homes develop mental illnesses like ADHD, OCD, anxiety, and depression. Furthermore, kids who are a product of unstable, unfriendly home environments are more likely to become addicts as adults.

 

These tendencies are rooted in the fact that discord directly affects children’s brain development. Kids who grew up in upsetting households developed increased chances of vigilance in assessing their settings and potentially preparing themselves for any unwanted and stressful occurrences. This condition of being always alert is evident through a child’s processing and reacting to specific emotions.

 

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The Takeaway

Parents who usually argue in front of their children think that since children still have little to no understanding of problems about adult life, they will just forget that the disagreement ever happened. That’s where they’re wrong. Like what they say, children’s minds are like sponges that absorb everything. Letting your child see you and your partner distressingly argue will severely have a massive impact on their personality and behavior. Therefore, as much as possible, be a more responsible parent and save your children from future repercussions by not giving them front seat row tickets to your live fights.

 

 

 

 

 

Ten Reasons Why Teenagers Rebel

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Your child’s teenage years may be the most turbulent for you as a parent since a certain hard-headedness can emerge from them abruptly, and you’re not ready! This may be labeled as stubbornness or rebelliousness, but most of the time, these are just very typical of teenagers. It is a phase, and everybody has to live with it.

As they grow up, teenagers may need some space to find their voice and person; therefore, what is perceived as a rebellious nature can just be a means for teenagers to express their identity. As a parent and a former teenager, you need to understand that fact.

With that, the following lists of some reasons as to why a teenager can be rebelling, just in case you forgot your teenage years and how you were back then. It can, hopefully, provide some clarity in understanding this phenomenon.

Teen Rebellion Is An Inevitable Phase In Everyone’s Life

During the teenage years, children will tend to veer away from their parents to find their identity and voice – apart from their family or their older siblings. This is normal because of the development in their pre-frontal cortex. It is used for critical thinking, and so expect lots of arguing or criticizing at this time. (If you remember this phase – I hate my parents and I hate my siblings – this is THAT phase.)

Parent’s Can Become Predictable

Being under your roof, your behavior and mannerisms have been ingrained into your child more than you think. You will become predictable, and your teen will go around it due to boredom. This can make them seek out more “exciting” ventures to break away from the monotony at home.

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Teens Want Freedom

Sometimes, we can’t help but heap expectations on our child that we forget that they are their person themselves. Teenagers would want to find their freedom to explore, do, and experience things to develop their individual identities.

They Need Attention

Rebelling can also be a means of seeking help. The teenage years can be very turbulent for growing youth, and they may be feeling lost or overwhelmed from expectations and greater responsibilities.

Teens Experience Biological Changes

Raging hormones can prompt teenagers to make impulsive decisions. Sometimes, predicting consequences is impossible for them, so they tend to act out surprisingly.

They Undergo Social Pressures

You’d be surprised at how early peer pressure can start affecting your child. Children, as soon as they reach twelve, can be subject to peer pressure, and this may skew them from making healthy choices.

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Teenagers Learn Through Experience

Some learn by looking or studying, but some learn by participating. Teenagers may want to try different appearances, experiences, and activities to learn about themselves. Don’t worry too much if the transformation can be jarring; most of the time, this is “just a phase” for them to better know themselves.

Perhaps the most significant takeaway from dealing with rebellious youths is to exercise understanding and patience. It’s only natural for us to question our inherent authority, and teenagers are even more wired to do so. Allow them some slack to find themselves and their place in the world, it’s just a part of growing up!