Marriage is unpredictable; you don’t know the extent of pain and struggle until you’ve encountered the scenarios within the relationship. Which is why it is necessary to ask yourself and your future spouse specific questions that are going to be part of your marriage one way or another.
Whether it’s because of lack of interest, shyness, or desire to conserve romantic mystery, a lot of couples fail to ask each other difficult, important, sometimes uncomfortable questions that will help create and strengthen the marriage’s stable foundation. Dealing with issues before getting hitched is like unburdening and coming clean.
It is generally the case that couples with thriving, strong relationships have well-developed emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence describes a person’s ability to be aware of, control, and express emotions in a healthy manner. — Angela Bisignano, PhD
Besides, it can be quite tricky to keep those skeletons in the closet once you get married; eventually, those unrevealed secrets will come out and can severely injure a relationship.
The Right Questions
Below are some of the critical questions that you need to ask your soon-to-be spouse. Whether intimate or awkward, these questions will ignite an honest discussion among couples and hopefully find a resolution before exchanging vows.
- What Is Your Stance On Religion?
This is one of the most controversial, inconvenient questions that you can ask your partner. Religion is a sensitive topic most couples don’t touch on. However, it is important to note that this topic is part of a person’s life especially if you or your partner was brought up in a religious environment by religious parents. Are you going to celebrate holidays related to each other’s religion? If you get to have kids, are you going to impose your religious beliefs on them? If your partner is the religious type, do you have to participate in his or her religious activities?
…husbands who had close relationships with their in-laws were 20% less likely to divorce than those who had strained in-law bonds. — John Smith Ph.D.
- How Much Do You Like My Parents?
It doesn’t matter if you have an atrocious relationship with your partner’s parents, for as long as you and your partner are steady in being united, any form of animosity can be dealt with. However, if your partner is aloof in addressing parental issues, it can result in an unhealthy relationship. Furthermore, you have to consider the weaknesses and strengths of your parents to illuminate unforeseeable patterns of distancing or attachment within the relationship.
- How Are We Going To Fight?
Arguments and endless discussions about differences and issues inside or outside of marriage are healthy; yet, there are times wherein the other half becomes distant or does not want to talk about it. Shutting down important issues is never a healthy sign of proper communication, which is necessary for every relationship. Remember that the success of your bond is entirely dependent on how couples talk about and deal with their differences.
One of the best ways to make a partner feel comfortable, understood, and “on the same team” is to copy their expressions and body language. — Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D.
- Are We Going To Have Kids?
Every family is different. Just because other couples have kids doesn’t mean that you or your partner would want one. Sometimes, it depends on the individuals involved in the relationship. If you don’t want to have kids, be honest about it and do not mislead your partner into thinking that you are into having children. Saying something just for the sake of not breaking your partner’s heart will lead to consequences the moment you get married. If the decision of having kids is mutual, the next question would be how many and how the responsibilities are shared.
Remember, asking questions upfront before marrying someone is safer and more beneficial to your relationship. Also, it reveals the real personality of your future spouse. Besides, asking these questions will save you a lot of headaches and heartaches if in case both of you realize how different you are.